Dude, “I” won the caption contest
Imagine this blogger’s sweet surprise when waking up this morning to find that I won the Wicked Bugs caption contest with this little gem right here:
Quoth those fine judges at the North Coast Journal:
But one entry stood out above the rest. By effortlessly acknowledging the essence of both Will’s character and the content of Amy Stewart’s Wicked Bugs in a palatable and succinct handful of words — c’mon, brevity, people! — local anonymous blogger Heraldo won our hearts with his awe-inspiring entry, “So that’s what’s living in my beard.” Ding ding ding! Bravo.
That’s when the conflict arose. How can a prize — in this case a collection of books by Humboldt authors — be awarded/delivered to a shadowy, identity-less figure who only dwells in the safety of cyberspace? Tough one. So. We hate to have our first Seven-O-Heaven contest end mired in controversy but, sorry Heraldo — the referee has reversed his decision.
Hopes? Crashed. Dreams? Burned. The prize — a stack of awesome books by even awesomer local authors? Snatched from my outstretched hands. They’re giving them to Mitch, who left his (second best) winning entry right here on the Humboldt Herald.
However, all is not lost. A gift certificate for a free sundae at Bon Boneire awaits yours truly at the NCJ offices. I just have to, you know, go get it.
But waitasecond. NCJ editor Ryan Burns came on here and wagged his editorial finger at those who posted their clever captions on the Herald without forwarding them to the NCJ.
Hey, y’all, these are funny. Just so’s you know, this contest works kinda like Sundance: you gotta submit ‘em to the official judging body (the Journal, in this case) in order for them to be considered official entries. Unlike Sundance, we’re relatively indiscriminate — we accept just about everything.
So the Herald is like Slamdance in this (admittedly lousy) analogy.
Huh. Either Burns and Seven-O-Heaven got their wires crossed or this is a wicked plot to bring down the Herald.
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The Humboldt Herald 
That is a really weak winner. Seriously?
Aww, a frowny face from Teacher.
Congrats Heraldo. A reversal on technical grounds doesn’t diminish the fact that yours was best. Maybe Mitch will loan you the books after he’s read them.
More of an astonished face that that comment won… You aren’t the same guy judging the contest are you? Is that your real identity?
That’s between me and the judge.
And the fix is in. The crowd boos. Chairs are being thrown into the ring…
Since the real winner is Heraldo, I hereby ask that the books be donated to a library branch of Heraldo’s choosing.
Just don’t pick the Trinidad branch. It’s operating out of a temporary and tiny space with most of its collection in storage.
The Eureka library has plenty of empty shelf space. Donate to it.
That’s very generous, Mitch. In that case they should go to a school, or schools. One is a children’s book and should go to an elementary or charter school.
Local families can still afford charter schools?
Wow.
Aw, what’s wrong with the library?
Also, Anon, charter schools are public schools. They don’t charge tuition.
Heraldo,
That’s fine by me… just pick your choice of public school libraries if you’d prefer that to a public library.
Nothing wrong with libraries. But I thought school libraries would better help get the books into kids’ hands.
Anyway, I’m not particular. Mitch, why don’t you get the books, read them, and then donate them to a library or school?
I’ll do that. Thanks, Heraldo. Anonymity is such an inconvenience, huh?
Totally.
See if you can pick up my gift certificate, too!
But deliver it where? The trashcan in Arcata at 5th and J, at midnite?
We will work it out. Code name: Operation Chilled Cow.
You’ve unraveled our wicked plot. When you came down to the Journal to collect your ice cream, we were gonna have Arkley hiding behind a door with a club and a net. As you know, Seven-O-Heaven and Rob are like this (finger cross).
So did you and Mitch come to a consensus on how you’ll divide up your loot?
I know how Heraldo can keep his anonymity. Just leave the gift certificate for him/her/it/they to pick up at some downtown restaurant. Maybe, I don’t know, The Avalon?
I’d be the only classy anonymous blogger in that joint.
You guys really ought to consult the CIA manual on how to conduct covert ops. Or watch some old episodes of “The Prisoner”.
My idea: Schedule a public ice cream(tofutti)event with everyone wearing H. masks. Paid for with money collected in identical provided envelopes that everyone has to deposit on entry. Only H. is to be treated and not have to put any money in his/her/their envelope. Amount of shared dessert is based on the total amount of money collected. Everybody might get only one scoop or a whole sundae.
Mitch, if it’s not too late, I’d vote for the liberry: That’s the way to make them most universally accessible.
Thank you Andrew, for 7OH. Thank you NCJ, for the books. Thank you Heraldo, for blowing your big chance at loot.
I’ll drop by the NCJ to pick up my loot sometime next week. I’ll check for signs of Mr. Arkley and email Heraldo if the coast is clear.
Then I’ll read the books, be impressed by all of Humboldt’s talent, and feed them onwards to the main library in Eureka.
That’s great, Mitch. After some research I came to the same conclusion as Walt.
Main Branch library? How about Zoe Barnum or Alice Birney schools in Eka? C’mon boys, the Westside is crying out for books…
Word to the wise: Arkley took his P.I. off of Richard Salzman and Larry Glass and re-assigned him to this case, overtime paid in advance. I heard a rumor the guy’s cruising the block around 5th and J in Arcata looking for “anonymous blogger types.”
Pssst: the dumpster in the parking lot behind Abruzzi is the prime place to do a drop. It stinks to high hell so no one’s likely to be hanging out there.
Just sayin’.
H – Disagreeing with Teacher, which I guess means I’m agreeing with the judge: I was thinking to enter but could not come up with anything to top “what’s in my beard.”
props also to Burns for not getting hung up on stupid rules, and Mitch, you mensch.
Congrats, pats, and props, Big H and Mitch. Yours truly also sees Mr. Sims, 7OH, and the NCJ reported the same. To note, Mr. Sims noted the HH today in his T-S column on another matter. Bugsy over at the Mirror initially thought he died and gone to heaven last week when Amy’s book came out, specifically referring to him. Wonder what he’s thinking now? Wait ’til the big A finds out about this.
All this notoriety, stealthiness, and anonymi today. Mr. Goff, NAN, and Mr. Latt know more than they say. Be careful H.
“Let your plans be dark and as impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
– Sun Tzu, The Art of War
We’re surrounded. That simplifies the problem.
– Chesty Puller, USMC
Wasn’t there a Chesty Puller who used to work at the Tip-Top club?
I thought it was a guy who worked for the TSA
Chesty was shakin’ the tables at the Tip-Top. A different Chesty.
Lt. General Lewis “Chesty” Puller (1898–1971) was the most decorated officer in the US Marine Corps history, and the only Marine to receive five Navy Crosses. Not to be confused with ‘Chargin’ Charlie’ Beckworth (1929-1994).
“We ain’t making no goddamn cornflakes here.”
–Col. Charlie Beckwith, founder of Delta Force
…On that note, back to the Dude Winning the Caption Contest.
Yes, the main library in Eureka is a good choice. Anyone in the county can request books from there and have them delivered to any other county branch, so this location (with plenty of empty shelf space) makes the books accessible to all. Thanks, Mitch!