Home > Uncategorized > Speakers to discuss heterosexuality in Humboldt

Speakers to discuss heterosexuality in Humboldt

In the interest of fairness and inclusion, the Humboldt Herald is pleased to publicize the following event:

Being Heterosexual: small and large group discussions

Every day, all hours.

Sponsored by all major institutions.

Heterosexuals from Humboldt County will discuss their marriages and children, their friendships, vacations, and romances.  Caution: the discussions verge on being “in your face.”

A diverse group of speakers will share their  personal stories including:  dating their high school sweetheart; exchanging raunchy stories of their sexual conquests; going to the movies to watch “boy meets girl” films; watching the new breed of heterosexual television programming; coming to terms with their sexuality.

Speakers on the panel will include a straight high school quarterback; a straight woman who married her (male) neighbor; a heterosexual man who never gave a second thought to kissing his girlfriend in public; a straight woman who found work as a lawyer defending the poor; a religious heterosexual couple in which both the husband and wife divorced their previous partners and successfully remarried.

The panel will be followed by small group discussion led by the presenters. For further information, contact:

Your parents, probably, or
your teachers, mostly, or
your religious authorities, almost entirely, or
your coaches, almost entirely, or
your neighbors, mostly.
  1. Plain Jane
    August 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Nicely done, Mitch.

  2. Mitch
    August 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Thanks, PJ.

    Ponder z,
    While I am totally neutral on heterosexuals, I do not tolerated in my face activism. Dont insult me, my family, my religion, my livelihood. Dont ask for me to fund your heterosexual lifestyle. We will get along just fine then.

  3. What Now
    August 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Dear Mitch,
    The entire staff here on call today just stood up and did “the wave” in appreciation of your work on this!
    Well done!

  4. Anonymous
    August 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Heterosexual Male:

  5. Anonymous
    August 18, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Mitch, the failure of same sex marriage is because of neutral, tolerant people like you.

  6. August 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    I don’t care if people are straight but why do they have to have a parade?

  7. Mitch
    August 18, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    What Now,

    Thank you. I’m blushing.

    Anonymous 1:59,

    I know it’s convenient to blame people like me for the failure of your same-sex marriage, but maybe you ought to just own up to the fact that your spouse realized you were acting like an immature, selfish jerk much of the time. Recognizing that will give you solid ground to try to build a better relationship next time. I hope your church allows you to remarry.


    Part of being straight is being flamboyant — that’s why you see mostly heterosexuals at most parades. But remember, not every heterosexual is flamboyant. Heterosexuals have all sorts of different personalities. You’ll interact with them better if you don’t simply identify them by the tag “straight.”

  8. 06em
    August 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    These comments are so straight. What are you all, a bunch of heteros?

  9. Felix
    August 18, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha……….
    No worries 06em….Fa la la or whatever.
    Most excellent Mitch!

  10. Anonymous
    August 19, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Mitch, besides insults on a blog you write and kudos from your limited fan club, you have nothing to offer. You make assumptions about me as well as my relationships. I take responsibility for my life and choices and am happy. You and many others here balme everyone else for your misery.

    The failure of same sex marriage is for one reason only. Intolerant radical activists like you who only care about yourself.

  11. Mitch
    August 20, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Anonymous writes: “your … fan club” (Quotation performed in Romney style.)

    Gee, thanks. I knew I had something in common with Mick Jagger.

    I take responsibility for my life and choices and am happy.

    I’m glad for you, Anonymous. So glad, in fact, that I won’t even try to figure out what you are upset about.

  12. Plain Jane
    August 20, 2012 at 9:18 am

    The victimization of heterosexual marriage. I don’t understand people who believe equal rights means those who had superior rights somehow lose rights. The only thing they lose is their feeling of superiority.

  13. Mitch
    August 20, 2012 at 9:20 am

    …which, of course, was never very secure to begin with, or it wouldn’t flee them just because other people are treated with decency.

  14. Anonymous
    August 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

    I’m glad for you, Anonymous. So glad, in fact, that I won’t even try to figure out what you are upset about.

    Mitch, you never fail to disappoint. You don’t care unless someone tows your party line. And you expect respect and rights and people to care, typical radical lib.

  15. Eric Kirk
    August 20, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    The failure of same sex marriage? What does that mean?

  16. Mitch
    August 21, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Well, Eric, I think Anonymous 1:59 was continuing the parody, but I have no idea what the later Anonymi are talking about.

    One thing I discovered pretty quickly after posting on the Herald is that attempts at humor often fly right by some of the Herald’s readership. So unless you’re prepared to dumb yourself down to second grade level and avoid all attempts at humor, you need to be prepared for some of the readership to get confused. It’s a pretty wide bell curve out there.

  17. Plain Jane
    August 21, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Maybe Anonymous’ marriage was destroyed because their spouse was really gay. Think of all the marriages that would be saved if homosexuality was still a dirty secret and gays married someone of the opposite sex and stayed married to hide their sexuality! :-p

  18. August 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    For this event, I will dress in flamboyant…gray?

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